Hardly any chance to go out alone with my papa. Usually in big family groups.
Today finally a rare chance. My sisters were away, and mum went hospital visit ah ma. Left me, my papa, my 3 kids and lil nephew at home.
So we decided to head to JEM for lunch.
Saw my big girl helping lil nephew with his food. So sweet and thoughtful of her. She really made me proud.
Thats my papa with my youngest girl. He’s a typical asian dad, who looks stern, fierce and always showing poker face. 😅 He doesnt like going out especially for meals. Coz he finds outside food expensive and most importantly, he doesnt wants us spend money. 😆 Everyday after work, he will just go home. On non working days, he also stays at home. He only likes playing games on his hp… and he can sit on floor in living room whole day with his hp. 😑 We always had to force him go out. 🙄
As I watched him eating his food, while keep putting food onto my girl’s plate, asking her eat more, I recalled my young times.
My papa was a sole breadwinner for my mum and 4 daughters. He worked as a factory foreman, earning about less than $2k that time. But he had the capability to feed 5 of us and put his 4 daughters through studies, and even brought us out on weekends for simple family activities.
I turned rebellious when I entered Sec 1. Everyday after school, I would hang outside with wrong group of friends, instead of going home. Sometimes, I even stayed overnight outside till next day. I didnt bother about my studies. I didnt bother about my parents feeling. They were worried for me, but I found them annoying.
My papa had given me the impression that he always preferred my elder sis than me since young. One day, he scolded me. From that day onwards, I totally stopped talking to him. I avoided him at all causes. He also didnt bother to talk to me. Our relationship turned from family to strangers. I didnt know if I hated him. I only felt he never loved me the way I wanted.
I stopped my rebellious ways when I was in Sec 3. Met a good teacher who put in efforts to pull me back to studies. Lucky I did very well for my O levels. 🤭 I felt proud of myself but still I didnt talk to my papa.
This stranger relationship went on for few years till I was about to finish my Poly studies.
One day, one of our old relatives passed away. We had to help out in the funeral preparations. On the last night, I had a big quarrel with my elder sis after returning home from the funeral. My papa came forward to stop us from shouting at each other.
He scolded me… after so long of not talking to me. I cried. I scolded him back ” you only know to scold me. I know you dote on dajie. You never love me at all. You know how much I carve for your attention and love towards me?”
The next thing he did… he hugged me. “Who says I dont love you? You are my daughter. I give all my 4 daughters with equal love. No more or less ok” 😭 that’s it. He broke the ice that had freezed my heart for so long. I cried even harder… but it was cries of joy. I felt his love at that moment.
The next day when I woke up, I saw him sitting at sofa, playing his hp. I took the courage to sit beside him. We talked. And we laughed.
Suddenly I felt like I understood what kind of man he always was. A man with few words. Not paper educated but high EQ. He could put up with my nonsenses for so many years, without reprimanding me or punishing me. He didnt even chase me out the house, but continued to give me school allowance during those stranger years.
Its true that own parents will forgive own children, no matter what or how long it takes. Im really lucky Im born to be my papa’s daughter. 🙏
I remembered when I was in my early 20’s, one evening after work, I went to market to pack dinner for my parents. Suddenly I blackout and dropped to the ground in front of the stall while waiting for the food. I was told one of my papa’s friend saw it and he called my papa. My papa rushed down to the market, found me and carried me to the nearest clinic. I regained my conscious. I saw my papa worried look and holding my hands tightly. Doc said I overworked and not enough rest, leading to fatigue signs. After doc visit, my papa still wanted carry me home, instead of letting me walk on my own. 🤗 romantic sia.
When I had my divorce, my papa didnt say much. He only kept asking me to move back his home so that he could help to take care my 3 kids. Even the $20k he had lent to my ex, gradually he stopped mentioning about it. Coz he knew its useless to ask me keep trying to ask my ex for repayment as my ex had denied the fact that he had took $ from my papa. 😡 Secondly, he doesnt want put stress on me. He just wants me be happy. Whenever Im back home on weekends, we would be busy with kids or watching tv. On and off will have short talks but not much.
After finishing our lunch today, we let the kids play at the Westgate big playground. I had a chance to have a hearty long chat with my papa… after so many years again. I felt so good. I felt like back to being a young daughter with my papa sitting beside me.
He liked to play online games. He told me he got to know few malaysian women through the gamechat. And the few women wanted to ask him out. Even though they knew he is married and a grandpa of 8 kids, they still dont mind and even asked if can be his mistress. 😱 omg… women these days… just so thick skinned and scarly I felt. I was completely stunned.
My papa went on telling me ” there are all kinds of people in your life. There are also all kinds of temptations. Its how you choose to deal with it. Yes, I chitchat with these women coz we are all playing same games. If they want to go further with me, I stop. I wont do stupid things to ruin the present family I have.” My papa is so honest sia.
Good one, my papa.