Im the fool

I waited and waited for him to come home as he promised. I texted him at 1am, asking where was he. He told me he would be home soon and told me go sleep. I told him I couldnt sleep without him. He never replied after that. I called his hp. He rejected my call. I called again. He switched off his hp.

Pain. I felt in deep pain again. Tears came flowing down unknowingly.

Why? Why it happened again? Why must he keep doing this?

As I kept looking at my hp, I then recalled about his emails. I took my daughter hp and opened up his email inboxes. I saw emails on weekly transactions records statement sent by GRAB.

I went through the daily transaction dates. I cried more badly. He didnt drive at night. The nights he claimed he was driving, but there were no records. Saturday and Sundays he didnt drive at all. But he claimed he was driving. Where did he go then?

Next day he came home at 10plus morning. I didnt go work after sending kids to school. I cried till I couldnt turn up for work. I confronted him. He called me bitch again and that I invaded in his privacy. He called me disgusting to go dig his stuff. He called me mentally unstable. He said he just wanted peace and I couldnt give him.

Peace? I put up his nonsenses for so long. He was the one who asked me for chances. He was the one who said he wanted this family and would do his part as a father. Now become Im the unreasonable one?

He left home again. I called my lawyer to go ahead with the divorce documents.

I had a very good understanding boss. She knew my situation. When times I couldnt go work, she allowed me my personal space. I still went to work as much as I can, as normal.

He contacted me after a few days. He said he was sorry. He even asked my mil to talk to me. Mil had been crying and feeling sad all these while. I was at loss of what to do. Again, for sake of kids, I let him in again and asked lawyer cancel the divorce proceedings.

He told me he wanted apply for full time stable job, so that he could have weekend times with us. I helped him with his resume. Soon he got a job as a IT sales manager position.

He still stayed at Fernvale at times. I gave up about telling him to move back Segar for kids sake. Im exhausted. Mil told me certain nights he never returned back to Fernvale. But he wasnt at Segar either.

One night after work, he told me he could not finish his database entries as there were almost to 500 customers details to be keyed into excel. But he needed to hand up to his boss the next day. He came over to Segar pass me his paperwork and a thumbdrive. He said he wanted go drive a few GRAB trips.

I stayed whole night keying in the database for him till next morning 5am. He didnt return to Fernvale or Segar that night. I texted him to inform that I have finished and saved into the thumbdrive and he can collect from me. He didnt reply.

The next day, he sent me a text saying he has quitted his IT sales job coz he found himself not suitable for the job. Why? I put in efforts to help him, but he wont even help himself.

He chose to drive back GRAB as full time. One day he asked me out for a date. He said he wanted quality time with me.

Call me stupid, if you want.

I felt like I was back in love and honestly happy when he asked for a date. We went to do hair at salon. When he done finished 1st, he said he go for a walk while waiting my hair to be done. At payment counter, I had to pay for his portion as he didnt return back to salon to find me. Nvm, I told myself. Things between us would get better soon.

When we were having lunch, he complained about his tyres not stable anymore. Lifespan was up and he felt dangerous to drive on road. I asked why he didnt change tyres. He said he had no money. I didnt want him get into accidents. I asked him to find workshop change tyres and I paid for him. After done, it was evening time. He said he needed go drive to earn money. I trusted him. He texted me saying I was a very good wife and he really appreciated what I have done.

But … after a day, he never came home again.

FML. Really.

How many times does he really want to hurt me???

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