The Hurt

Beginning of 2017, he started telling me he needed to work late. At least 2 times in a week, I would need to rush catch train after work to pick the kids from student care by 7pm myself. After which I booked grab to send kids home. While kids went up house 1st to settle down, I walked to nearby kopitiam to dapao their dinner.

At times, when he was the one to pick kids home, he would dapao their dinner, returned home, bathed and changed and went out.

I didnt know where he went. Almost every night, either he returned home very late or didnt return home at all.

When next morning I couldnt see him, I had to book grab and sent kids to school myself.

I texted him ” what the hell you doing? Dont you even bother about the kids?” He just thought im scolding him for nothing. He didnt cared what I said.

I kept texting him while I cried. “Why have you become like this?” He didnt replied me. Worst still, he just switched off his hp. Uncontactable.

I felt like end of the world. I cried every night to sleep.

One midnight, I tried calling him again. The phone was answered, but it was not him. A guy over the phone told me he left his hp at Liang Court KTV. I went down to collect back his hp. His hp was locked with password. I returned home and waited till daybreak. His hp rang. I saw the caller name – Cindy MT. I answered. It was his voice. He asked why his hp was with me. I asked where was he,why was he using Cindy hp to find his hp. He didnt reply. He said he would come home soon.

He came home just for his hp. I didnt want return him coz I wanted an explaination. Who is Cindy. Why was he with her all night? He said he went with friends gathering and got drunk. So Cindy drove him. I asked why didnt she just drove him back home. Where did they go after that? He got frustrated and snatched back his hp from me. He bathed, changed and went out again.

One time, he came home, bathed and changed to go out again, I stopped him. We need to talk, I told him. He said he got nothing to talk to me. I asked him take a look at the kids. Where has his responsibilites as a father gone?

He took his bag ready to just leave. I snatched away his bag and ran out of house. He chased after me and pulled my shirt. He demanded to have his bag back. I cried. I asked him ” cant you just stay home? Why do you keep going out and even not home at times?”

He walked away with his bag. Still, I followed him to his car, crying badly behind. He got into his car. I stood in front of his car, wanting to stop him. He got more angry and pushed me off the ground. He drove off. I sat on the ground crying in pain.

I just cant understand why. Why he became like that? Why he treated me like that?

On my birthday, he came home. He asked me and kids if wanted go out for dinner. We went. He told the kids to wish me happy birthday. He didnt buy me a cake nor gift. Never mind, I told myself.

We took a smoke after dinner while kids stayed inside the resturant. I took the chance to talk to him. I asked him if he had someone outside. He said no. He asked me not to overthink. Then he held my hands and said sorry.

I chose not to pursue his change of behaviour. I told myself he did come home have my birthday dinner with me. That night, he initated sex with me.

Next day, I thought everything between us was back to good. But no. Again he didnt return home. That night, he sent me a text.

” Im sorry. I dont think we can be together anymore. I come to realise we are from 2 different worlds. You treated me very good and I appreciated. But my heart for you has died. I no longer love you”

I felt sharp instant pain in my heart.

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